warming up, and thinking about my friends

november 16th 2021

I was sore and achy after my bicycle accident.

I thought a hot bath would be soothing.

It was, but I’d forgotten about the major drawback of washing.

Some younger furry people can dry off quickly, but my sort of furriness stays wet for a very long time.

The warmth and comfort of the bath soon wore off.

I was chilled to the marrow, and I felt worse than before. But one should wash now and then, I suppose.

I had to dry off in the airing cupboard.

Cupboards are good places for thinking.

Few distractions, and in the case of an airing cupboard, useful white noise.

It’s exciting that the Stork has promised to take me to see Um and the Baby.

I wonder where they are? I wonder whether either of them has started to speak English yet? I wonder if the Baby still likes tying people up with string?

It will be good see that little hooligan again.

Of course I’m worrying about my other absent friends as well.

We must find out where Ruffy and Points are.

It’s ages since they were arrested on their Climate Protest, and we don’t know which prison they’re being held in.

Once they’re found, we have to get them out. Whether by legal means or illegal I really don’t know.

I don’t think I’ve ever knowingly broken the law before. Unless you count that time in Oswestry.

I have an idea for finding out which prison they’re in, but it will involve saying things over the telephone that aren’t true.

I don’t like that, and I’m not very good at it.

But failing to help my friends would be even worse than saying an untruth. So as soon as I’m warm and dry I’ll face that task.

Snuggling up in a cosy airing cupboard after getting cold and wet made me think of people less fortunate than myself, such as my friend Kimbleton Tardigrade.

They’ve gone on an expedition (at my request) to hunt for Walrus and Bruno.

Walrus and Bruno set off to the seaside in the middle of The Third Lockdown, which really wasn’t sensible.

I hope they’re having fun, even if it was an irresponsible idea.

Whether the Prime Minister is right to let everyone mingle recklessly is another matter, but at least Walrus and Bruno aren’t breaking the law now.

It wouldn’t do for all of us to end up in prison.

I don’t know what Kimbleton’s plan was for finding them.

I’ve heard nothing from them, not so much as a postcard, so I haven’t known what to think.

Then Jenny discovered that we could follow their progress on Facebook.

Apparently Kimbleton is swimming all round the coast, looking out for likely seaside resorts, since the Seaside Experience was what Walrus was after.

I know that tardigrades are infinitely durable, but swimming from beach to beach, with no access to an airing cupboard, I’m afraid poor Kimbleton will be even colder and wetter than me.

Brrrr. I’m still quite cold myself.

To be honest, I don’t believe the airing cupboard is really very warm at all. I blame all that insulation.

I’ll get out the nice scawl that my kind cousin Peter sent me.

And I’d better put on some warm winter woollies before I start on my difficult telephone calls.

being cold and rude and deceptive

30th November 2021

That’s better. I’m back in my woollies again now.

I used to spend every winter tucked up in a snug cupboard, safe from all danger and viruses.

Very peaceful. Very dark.

It was warm in there. I’m not used to the cold.

But I have so many responsibilities at the moment that I can’t go in the cupboard yet.

I have to find out where my friends Ruffy and Points are being held.

We don’t even know if they’ve been unglued from their paving stone.

My plan is to telephone every prison in the country until I find the right one.

I don’t like making telephone calls.

You never know whether the person at the other end is busy, or asleep, or just not feeling like talking.

But Prison Officers shouldn’t be napping on duty. And if their job is to answer the telephone, they’ll be used to being disturbed.

Anyway, this is an emergency.

I’ve been polite to the Police Officers, and the Prison Officers, and they’ve just laughed at me.

So this time the gloves are off.

Oh dear. Oh dear. I need to sit down.

I was so rude. How did I know how to be so rude?

But it did seem to work.

Also I said that I was calling from Scotland Yard. That was completely untrue.

I don’t feel very well. I think I need a little rest before I call the next prison.

Slow breathing. In, two three four. Out, two three four five. In, two three four. Out, two three four five.

Oh, who’s that on the phone?

Poor things. I expect they are.

Wandsworth Prison is next.

Before I’m rude to the Prison Officer there, I’ll put out a peanut for the birds.

It’s very very cold.

I wonder if that hedgehog has been eaten up yet.