Author: Tom

Oh dear oh dear.

Where am I?

What’s been going on?

It’s very dark here.

I suppose I must be back in the cupboard.

But I don’t feel bright and lively and ready for the spring.

It can’t be time to wake up yet.

I’d better try to get back to sleep.

Oh! My bicycle! Those big lorry wheels!

I hope that was just a nightmare.

I usually have nice peaceful dreams when I’m in the cupboard.

Is it spring? Is it time to get up?

It doesn’t feel quite the same as usual, waking up in my own cosy cupboard.

Ouch, that hurts. What’s happened to my arm? It’s very painful. I’ll just lie still a bit longer.

This is very puzzling.

Now I come to think of it, I haven’t been in my cupboard since the beginning of The Virus. I remember now. It was in the spring of twenty… twenty-something.

I jumped out of the cupboard, as I do every spring, and there was a letter from the Prime Minister waiting for me on my doormat.

That was a memorable memory. I don’t often get letters from Prime Ministers. Though I’m not sure that that person really counted as a Prime Minister.

The letter was about The Virus.

I remember now.

I telephoned Ruffy to invite him round for a cup of tea, and he explained that we weren’t allowed to meet.

Ruffy’s good at explaining things clearly.

That was the start of quite a difficult time.

We all had to learn to bake bread, and meet our friends on Zoom and Skype, and keep ourselves busy with good works and new hobbies.

But why am I going back over all that? Wasn’t that quite a while ago?

Yes, of course. Ruffy was arrested. And hasn’t been seen since.

We’ve all been worrying about him.

Didn’t I… Wasn’t I… Yes, I was going to try to find him.

I was on my bicycle.

I’d dropped Cousin Peter off at his house, and then I went on to meet a very interesting American person.

I’d been given some addresses by a pirate parrot recently released from prison.

Yes, it’s all getting clearer now.

I’m always a bit muzzy when I wake up after a good long winter.

But I don’t usually have such a horrible headache. I generally wake up feeling pleasantly refreshed.

Now I feel as though I’d been played with by a very careless child with hard boots on.

Anyway, the American person couldn’t have been more helpful.

I met him by Bin 179.

His name is Wile E. I suppose that’s an American version of Will.

He’s been in and out of prison all his life.

It seems his main offence was Breach of the Peace. Which was very unfair, because it’s not his fault that whenever anyone sees him they hear the same tune.

Of course people get tired of it, but that’s no reason to lock a person up.

Anyway, he’s trying to go straight, and build a new life for himself.

He helps with rubbish collections.

The refuse operatives let him eat leftover food from the Food Waste Caddies.

While he was in prison, his cell-mate taught him to read.

So now he’s able to read the ingredients and the sell-by dates on the packets that he fishes out of the bins.

Just now I don’t seem to be able to remember what he told me about Ruffy.

I expect it will come back to me when this headache wears off.

But why have I got a headache?

What’s going on?

You know, I don’t think this is my cupboard.

It’s an unfamiliar sort of darkness.

And my cupboard isn’t luxurious, but it’s comfortable enough. This place is NOT comfortable enough.

I tried to persuade the kind nameless person, but they were adamant that they preferred the familiar to the unfamiliar.

So when the children were in bed, and the dog had stopped yapping, we ventured out of the box.

My friend helped me to climb down, which wasn’t easy with only one working arm.

Luckily the children had left a light-sabre switched on.

By its light we reached the door, and my nameless friend pointed me in the direction of the Dolls Hospital.

I feel wide awake again now that I’m out here in the fresh air, after that rather stuffy toy-box.

I think there must have been football boots as well as toys.

And possibly some old food that a child had wanted to avoid eating.

I wonder how long I was in there?

Brrrr. This air is fresh, but also cold.

I hope I find Ruffy quickly, and then we can go home to bed.

Bimbo here, at the Campaign Office.

Time to update you on our search for Tom and Ruffy.

While Ellie was off investigating Fairy Prisons, everyone else threw themselves into wishing.

I have some reservations about this.

But I think it does no harm.

And it keeps everyone focused on the project in hand, until we can allocate more practical tasks.

We reconvened for another Zoom meeting.

Lopsy told us that she’d had a birthday cake, with candles, which of course is a valid wishing opportunity.

Though everyone knows that, like most of us, she has her actual birthday on Christmas Day.

I pointed this out to Teddy, but you know what he’s like.

If she asked for birthday cakes every day of the year, he’d make them for her.

(As a matter of fact, my birthday is not on Christmas Day. I was found in a second-hand chest of drawers on Moving Day, but the date wasn’t noted at the time.)

Monkey’s kebab van has broken down, so he’s been considering alternative modes of transport.

He got excited at the thought of magic carpets.

Oh, what’s that?

I excused myself from the meeting to to go and see who was knocking on my door.

It was Ellie, back from visiting the Fairy Prison.

We wound up the Zoom meeting, agreeing that everyone who is not busy researching old prisons would try wishing on whatever carpet they had access to.

We decided the safest wish was for the carpet to travel unaccompanied to fetch Tom and Ruffy.

This avoids the risk of someone (I’m thinking particularly of Monkey and Lopsy) somehow falling off the carpet, or losing it while far from home, and being unable to get home.

I am very much of Gibbs’s opinion, that this is not a very hopeful line of enquiry.

But I suppose it can do little harm.

I’ll squeeze a courgette to make a refreshing drink.

Little Strawberry has been supplying us all with courgettes.

I think we do her a favour when we take a few of them off her hands.

This is a nourishing and refreshing drink.

And very good for using up courgettes.

Oh. Hello. Bimbo here, at the Campaign Office.

The campaign is to find out whether Tom’s all right, and where Ruffy is.

(Ruffy was arrested nearly two years ago on a trumped-up charge. Or possibly on no charge at all. And Tom has gone to look for him, but isn’t keeping us informed of his progress. So we’re very concerned about both of them.)

The younger ones can race about searching for them, but I’m too old for that.

So I’ve volunteered to run the Campaign Office.

I’m coordinating search efforts, and keeping everyone up to date on the two parallel investigations.

We’ve already had two Zoom meetings to discuss our strategy.

I’ve been elected to chair the meetings, which saves a lot of time.

We agreed that it would be good at least to rule out all the Fairy Prisons.

At first everyone wanted to go with Ellie to meet the fairies.

When she persuaded them that it would be better for her to go alone, they all wanted to do something to help.

So then there was a discussion of what the rest of us can do, while Ellie goes to talk to the fairies.

There was a general consensus of the meeting that any idea was better than none.

I wrote a note to remind myself to draw up the wording of the ideal wish.

We collected other ideas for wishing opportunities.

We agreed to meet in real life at the Campaign Office, as soon as Ellie had prepared her scooter for her journey, and charged its batteries.

Of course Bunce, Snowy, and Monkey were busy on the farm, but a couple of days later, the rest of us reconvened.

Jenny had baked a butterfly cake. She really can turn her hand to anything.

(You know it was her that made Ellie’s electric scooter.)

Ellie’s scooter was in perfect order.

Luckily, the weather was fine.

Didcot arrived with the fairy dress, and Ellie reluctantly put it on.

We put the cake in a cake box, and put it on the back of the scooter.

Then we waved Ellie off, and moved on to Any Other Business.

Several people reported that they’d made wishes. Or at least attempted to make wishes.

I know how important it is for people to feel that they are doing something useful. So I didn’t express my doubts about the efficacy of all this wishing.

And in any case, there are more things in the furry and unfurry worlds than are dreamt of in our philosophy.

But I think the next stage will be to move on from the fantastical to the geographical.

Therefore I’ve got out my map of British cycling routes.

I think that’s the best way to work out where on earth Tom has got to.

I really don’t have much faith in all this wishing. But I certainly do wish Tom and Ruffy were safe home.

My poor cousin Peter has been waiting patiently for me to take him home.

He was glad to come here for a period of convalescence after his spell in hospital.

I think the rest did him a lot of good.

But I’ve kept him here longer than we’d planned.

Things kept happening that needed to be dealt with.

There was the leak in the roof that needed fixing.

And Monkey made a flying visit from Outermost Wessex.

So we had to take a break from packing, to be properly hospitable and let him have a good rest after all his hard work on Bunce and Snowy’s farm.

He was on an errand, collecting some beans and seeds to take back for the farm.

But he’d had a bit of an accident, and the seeds had all got muddled up.

So we had to help him sort those out.

He had lots of news about the the farm.

Their rhubarb is doing nicely, and he says the radishes are beautiful.

They’ve got delicious green shoots growing in their polytunnel, and they’ve planted the beetroot.

They had to turn all their chicory plants upside down.

We told him about all the games we had played while Peter was getting better.

Monkey was excited to hear about them.

Monkey chose Key to the Kingdom.

I’m afraid it wasn’t a very quick round.

There are lots of paths, and lots of cards, and lots of rules.

Peter read the rule book for us.

Monkey loved getting sucked into the whirlpools.

I liked it when I got stuck in the Snake Pit.

It was a good place for a little rest, while I waited to be rescued.

It’s a game that goes on for a very long time.

I wanted to give Monkey something to take back with him for Bunce and Snowy’s dear little baby.

But what do little babies like, except sleeping and eating?

I don’t know much about them.

I found a poppy-seed rattle for it.

In the big city we think of poppies as quite special.

But then I realised that of course Bunce and Snowy will have plenty of them on the farm.

So instead of sending a present, I taught Monkey some lullabies to sing to the baby.

He set off back to the farm in his kebab van.

I hope Peter hasn’t been too bored.

We’ve played some nice music together.

Peter is very fond of folk music.

We found that the penny whistle and triangle are a good combination.

We were ready to go at last, when Lopsy telephoned.

So finally, Peter and I are ready to set off.

Oh, look. There’s a picture postcard on the doormat.

I’ll pop it in the bed with Peter and the luggage, and have a proper look at it later on.

It’s so lucky that hospital beds have wheels.

But I hope the rain stops soon.

I’m happy to report that Cousin Peter is now fully recovered from his fall.

And he’s also recovered from his stay in hospital.

It is tiring looking after a convalescent.

I’ll miss Peter when he goes, but it will be good to have a rest from constant food and games.

It won’t be as tiring as when I had to do all the cycling.

And while I’m out on my bicycle, I may as well look for Ruffy at the same time.

But if he’s not in any of the official prisons, where can he be?

I telephoned Points and explained why I needed her advice.

Points is wonderful. She’s been taking her soap box to all the picket lines.

I hope I really am going to track Ruffy down.

I’ll take Points’s advice. People who’ve just come out of prison are the very people to know what’s going on inside.

I went to the nearest Approved Premises.

Poor things. Life is very hard when you’ve just got out of prison.

But they gave me some good tips.

A helpful pirate parrot gave me the names of several other unofficial prisons besides the Fairy Prison.

Of course, when a person has been through a very difficult experience, their concentration and ability to think clearly may be impaired.

I met some people who I’m sure would have liked to help, but they were struggling with addictive substances.

One of the bears seemed to be off on some other planet.

But she managed to tell me the names of several friends of hers in other parts of the country who may be able to help me.

I think I have plenty of leads to follow up.

I won’t take a lot of luggage.

I’ll have one more night in my comfortable bed,

and then Peter and I will set off.

I know how to get to the hospital, so that we can give back the bed that we borrowed.

Peter will be able to show me how to get to his house.

But after that, the journey is unknown.

I may be some time.

Cousin Peter and I had a lovely Christmas dinner.

It was only a few days late.

I’m glad to say that Peter is getting better after his fall.

And I’m getting better after my long cold bicycle ride to fetch him from hospital.

We’ve been taking things easy.  

I’ve been making sure that Peter gets plenty of rest, and plenty of food.

I’ve been keeping him entertained.

We only play the easy version of dominoes.

It’s more relaxing that the sort where you have to keep doing sums in your head.

I’ve been giving Peter cocoa pops, to keep up his blood sugar levels.

We’ve enjoyed doing puzzles together.

We like this one

because there’s no right answer.

Peter and I prefer non-competitive games.

And we don’t want anything too energetic, in our convalescent state.

Spillikins is a quiet, sedentary game.

We eat nuts while we play, for protein.

Tiddlywinks could be competitive.

But we’re both so bad at it, we never get as far as competing.

It can be tiring having to get up to fetch the tiddlywinks.

Peter suggested setting up a marble run.

That was very tiring indeed.

Especially when the gobstoppers escaped and I had to chase them round the room.

This sort of dominoes is also uncompetitive.

But strenuous for the person setting it up.

We took turns to eat popcorn in the middle, while the other one set up the dominoes.

Every now and then I remember that important things are going on in the world outside.

But apart from putting posters up in my windows

I feel that getting myself and Peter back to full strength is enough for me to cope with at the moment.

I used to think that patience games were peaceful.

But with Clock Patience, you have to walk all round the clock many times.

We need raisins to keep our energy.

Jenga is a really strenuous game, what with the climbing and the building.

and it never ends well.

By the time we’d finished our games, we were completely exhausted.

Somebody did.

Jenny arrived in her dressing-gown.

But Jenny had the clever idea of moving the hands on the clock forward.

When it got to twelve o’clock, we were still quite wide awake.

After we’d eaten the snacks, Jenny read scary stories to us.

Then we all fell fast asleep.

But I had a dream about Ruffy calling to me from his prison cell.

I really must remember to do something about rescuing him.

I’ll think about that in the morning.

It’s such a busy time of the year, what with keeping warm, and mending woolly clothing, and rescuing cousins.

My poor cousin Peter fell downstairs. He was badly bumped, and had to go to hospital.

They wanted to keep him in, to keep an eye on him.

But he wasn’t happy there, so I rather rashly promised to get him out.

I wasn’t sure if I’d even be allowed into the hospital. But nothing venture, nothing gain.

I took just minimal luggage, and set off.

My bicycle helmet isn’t compatible with my anorak hood, and I decided to choose warmth over safety. I wouldn’t be very safe on the roads if my brain froze, would I?

It was quite an expedition. It was during that cold patch we had,

The roads were quite treacherous, and it took much longer to reach the hospital than I’d expected.

But no one stopped me from going into the hospital.

The next challenge was to find where in the hospital cousin Peter might be.

Those long corridors, with their bright lights, and directions to all kinds of departments, are very confusing.

That’s interesting.

I know about donating blood, but I’d never realised that old tissues could be re-used. What a good idea. I hope that was the right box that I put my tissue in.

I found Cousin Peter in the end.

He was looking rather poorly. I was afraid the doctors might be right about keeping him in hospital.

But he perked up when he saw me.

I didn’t want anyone to find us, and stop us leaving.

We succeeded in getting out without being challenged.

It wasn’t a strike day for health workers, but I suppose the staff are all so busy that they can’t be expected to notice a bed or two disappearing.

My rope worked well, and Peter said that the ride was not too bumpy.

On the way home, we had a serious political discussion. It’s easy to talk about important issues to Peter, because he’s not one of these intellectual people, who make things complicated.

We happened to go past a Young Malefactors Institution.

I knew really that it wasn’t the prison where our friend Ruffy is incarcerated, because I’ve phoned all the official prisons, and they’ve all told me that they haven’t got him.

But I waved anyway, just in case.

Oh dear, I wish he could hear me.

I wish I could find him.

I’ll need a ramp up to this door before I’m very much older, if I’m going to keep inviting my friends round.

Anyway, if it’s going to be Christmas soon, I’d better put the tree up.

Oh dear, I haven’t got a present for Peter. What can I do?

I did have some chocolate in the cupboard, but I ate it when I was feeling discouraged one day.

I could wrap up a book for him. I have a Maori dictionary, and a bible.

But those are useful reference books, so I probably shouldn’t give them away.

I have an interesting book about Fundamental Rights in the European Community.

But it’s not very festive.

I’ll have to work hard on the low notes. And perhaps we could think of some slower tunes.

Ring-ring. Ring-ring.

Who’s that, I wonder?

I’ve got some Brussels sprouts. I think they’re the only really crucial thing, don’t you?

I’m still mending this jumper.

It’s taking a long time.

I thought it had only two small holes.

But the whole jumper is nearly a hole. It needs comprehensive reinforcement.

Oh oh oh.

First of all I must check on Lopsy and Ted.

I’ve been telephoning them every day since I heard that they had The Virus.

I’m glad that Teddy and Lopsy are over the worst.

I’ll try to think of something tasty for Lopsy.

I wonder if she likes wholemeal oven-baked biscuits enrobed in rich creamy milk chocolate. They’re on offer at the Co-op at the moment.

Now I really had better get back to the jumper.

I must get it mended quickly. The weather isn’t getting any warmer.

I thought I could wear my anorak while the jumper is out of action.

Unfortunately the anorak needs mending too.

A few stitches in time would have saved ninety-nine.

I must give up procrastinating. I’ll concentrate on that next year.

The moths must have been feeling very hungry.

Ring-ring. Ring-ring.

Oh. The telephone. Who can that be?

I hope it’s not The Virus.

(I fell down the stairs a year or two ago. It was a voluntary fall, when I was feeling in need of excitement.)

Well, this is a bit of a dilemma.

Surely the medical staff know best.

And if leaving hospital too soon makes Peter worse, that will just put more pressure on the Health Service in the long run.

But he is my cousin.

And anyway, I’ve said yes now. So it’s too late to worry about it.

I think I’d better bring Peter back to my house first of all, to convalesce.

It wouldn’t be right to leave him all on his own at home, with no one to get his meals or make sure he doesn’t fall downstairs again.

But I can’t fit him on the back of my bicycle.

Perhaps Monkey could come with his fruit-kebab van to transport Peter.

I’ll telephone him.

Who else can I ask for help, I wonder.

Ellie’s very fast on her electric scooter.

But she couldn’t fit a whole bear on the back of it.

Well, I believe hospital beds have wheels.

I can probably tie Peter’s bed to the back of my bicycle, and tow him home.

I think that is the best plan.

I’ll need a rope. And my bicycle helmet. And a mask, for going into the hospital.

Then I’ll make some sandwiches and set off.

Poor old Peter.

I hope I succeed in kidnapping him.

I’ve been feeling feeble and useless lately. It’s nice to be needed.

The clocks have gone back. Dark evenings. Winter’s on its way.

Where have I put my warm jersey?

The cuckoos have set off for their winter stay in Mali.

The house is very quiet without them.

I’m keeping an eye on the clock for them, while they’re away.

Everything seems to be in order.

But I think I’ll shut their door, to keep the dust out.

And they might not want spiders squatting while they’re gone.

Now I’m really on my own. I’d better keep myself busy.

I’ve been checking the clockwork train.

The engine goes to and fro.

Sometimes it pulls the carriage, and sometimes it pushes it.

As a matter of fact, sometimes it doesn’t go at all. It is very old.

You can see the old-fashioned railway arches under the tracks, with shops in them.

Just as it used to be before Network Rail sold off all the arches.

I got the train out so as to have it ready for when the Baby next visits.

I know it likes trains.

It will love this clockwork one.

But I’d better not waste any more time playing with it now.

I’ve realised since I had The Virus that I don’t have infinite energy, so I’d better not squander it.

And I mustn’t be too ambitious about what I’ll be able to fit into the day.

I think I can do two more things, before I’ll need a nap.

Now that I’m thinking about clockwork, I’d better find the key for my great-grandfather’s pocket watch.

Lopsy cleverly found the watch in my old soap-box. But where did I put the key?

Oh, for goodness sake. I really am getting old and forgetful.

First I couldn’t find the watch that needed the key.

Now I can’t find the key that needs the watch.

I didn’t put it in the bin again, did I?

It got in there once before, through over-zealous tidying.

No, it’s not there now.

I’ll get on with something else, and perhaps I’ll remember where I put it.

A little bit of yoga might stimulate my brain cells.

Oh dear, Georgina’s yoga app doesn’t seem to be working.  

That’s very upsetting.

Can’t I watch dear Georgina any more?

How will I do my yoga?

I remember how to do the Easy Pose. I can practise that without her.

I don’t feel very motivated, without Georgina’s cheerful encouragement.

I’m not sure that that’s stimulating my brain cells at all.

Without Georgina reminding me how to breathe, my mind has been wandering all over the place.

I thought about poor Ruffy, locked in a cold prison cell.

And about Bimbo, waiting for us all to practise our instruments for his Zoom Ensemble.

I remembered that this jersey seems to need mending.

Do you think it’s moths, or just carelessness?

At any rate, there’s no shortage of tasks to work on.

Bimbo wants Gibbs and Teddy and me to work on a piece of music together.

I’ll ask Ted if he has any ideas. At least that will get the ball rolling.

How very lucky they don’t need me to go shopping for them. These days I get tired out before I even get to the shops.

I’ve never thought of watching boxes. Could it be interesting?

I expect Lopsy enjoys watching the Coco Pops.

Oh bother. I forgot to ask Teddy about the music.

Well, I’d better find some wool and get started on this jersey.

And then I can have my first nap.