being cold and rude and deceptive

That’s better. I’m back in my woollies again now.

I used to spend every winter tucked up in a snug cupboard, safe from all danger and viruses.

Very peaceful. Very dark.

It was warm in there. I’m not used to the cold.

But I have so many responsibilities at the moment that I can’t go in the cupboard yet.

I have to find out where my friends Ruffy and Points are being held.

We don’t even know if they’ve been unglued from their paving stone.

My plan is to telephone every prison in the country until I find the right one.

I don’t like making telephone calls.

You never know whether the person at the other end is busy, or asleep, or just not feeling like talking.

But Prison Officers shouldn’t be napping on duty. And if their job is to answer the telephone, they’ll be used to being disturbed.

Anyway, this is an emergency.

I’ve been polite to the Police Officers, and the Prison Officers, and they’ve just laughed at me.

So this time the gloves are off.

Oh dear. Oh dear. I need to sit down.

I was so rude. How did I know how to be so rude?

But it did seem to work.

Also I said that I was calling from Scotland Yard. That was completely untrue.

I don’t feel very well. I think I need a little rest before I call the next prison.

Slow breathing. In, two three four. Out, two three four five. In, two three four. Out, two three four five.

Oh, who’s that on the phone?

Poor things. I expect they are.

Wandsworth Prison is next.

Before I’m rude to the Prison Officer there, I’ll put out a peanut for the birds.

It’s very very cold.

I wonder if that hedgehog has been eaten up yet.